The Blogger

                    "170+ posts huh? And most of them don't make any sense anymore....". When I'd started writing, the state of mind I was in was completely different to what I'm in now. In fact, most of the early ones that none's read were written as Notes on Facebook, back in those days, when I still had my best phone with a normal keypad. Times change and you have to adapt to it, so its no longer with me and as the whole world has now moved into the ,"Touch this, Touch that ", smartphone generation, so have I. With the phone went the perfect typing, the perfect companion with whom I could freely express the rarest of the words which I could glimpse. Typing has never been fun on a touchscreen, and you'd need an iPhone or something of equal standards to get the best of touch, but still nothing comes close to that of a physical number-keypad.


                               "You should get into blogging....", a friend said to me when I was in school. I knew I was not so bad with the language, and I had more affinity to English than any of the Science subjects, which I started screwing up badly ever since they decided to split it into three.And of them all, Physics was my arch-nemesis, right from 8th grade. I used to be near perfect in Math till upto 10th grade. It was not to be so from the next year on, more tuitions thanks to Entrance preparation coupled with bad teaching or un-interesting teachers in school, compounded the misery on Maths, and my favorite subject was turning to the other extreme. The Sun was setting, but the moon had to rise, under the shades of the light cast by the Sun with exuberance rose a New Moon, shining like a new star in the sky, spreading light that could rival the Sun. Thus English rose from nothing to one of my best.

                                Along the path, I did get misled, the curios nature of the child in me wanted to explore the world, and I lost my way thenceforth, seeking the sparkling miracles of life.

             I've never resisted anything really, except for my incredibly awesome and picky eating habits, that parents told me to, but that wasn't the case now. For the first time, I really told I don't wanna do this, I knew I would never make it, that engineering wasn't for me, for I loved animation. But I couldn't change anything, guess what was meant for me couldn't be evaded, destiny? Fate? Who knows.

                 I lost track of myself yet again, for the pursuit of the truth was never fulfilled in my previous quest, for it faded off in some fashion that no one ever noticed it. There was no pain, the most important lesson to be learnt, at least not just yet. How long could I go on without feeling that? Not too long, how could it possibly leave me alone, when the rest of the world has, is and will be experiencing.So I too had to be a part of, otherwise it just wouldn't make any sense anymore. There I was, where I wanted to be, experiencing the best feeling in the world, at least till that point of time. But as the story of my life goes, with great happiness follows great suffering.It didn't take too long for the other half of life to show up, the one thing I've been missing all this while, cause I was always in solitude and numb to that feeling, the feeling of pain.

                       That commenced the birth of a new Blogger in me. A dreaded poet was born out of pain. The best of me shows how long I've lived on feeding on those feelings, that just wouldn't let me go. Life as a whole was crumbling right in front of my eyes, and all I could do was stand there and watch it collapse bit by bit, for this shack of mess was beyond repair.

                        "Just look the blog now, would you? What a total mess it is now, just like me..". I've lost my way again, I've lost the feel in the words, it just isn't happening anymore. Have all the feelings burned out now? Or have I turned immune to the everlasting pain, that I can't feel it anymore? I've lost the art of writing completely in the process, trying to please the readers with my words, that I completely forgot the feel in it. The fact that even I don't have the feel good factor in what I write nowadays is an iterating testament to what I've turned into now. Everything that I've done reflects back as a mistake, turned more of a jack of all trades, but a master of none. I've lost myself somewhere, that even I don't know what it is that I seek anymore to drive me on ahead. Guess I'll by stuck with a "nearly-" tag, like a nearly-engineer, nearly-blogger, etc. For I never do give it my all to anything it seems. The path ahead sure looks dark, and I seem to be running out of candles to lead me out of this pitch black. I no longer see the day where I could rightly proclaim that "I've made it!". I'm that nearly person who loved doing everything but never actually finished doing anything, photographer, blogger, engineer, lover, and most of all a "liver" of life.Ever so knowing that "You only live once".

                   The blogger in me that was born with the feelings of pain is dead now, as the feelings have numbed now, leaving me more or less "Just another blogger" on the internet.

College Days-IV

It wouldn't take too long,
To come to terms with reality,
To accept the changes taking place,
And the fact that you're alone

This mere illusion's starting to fade,
Giving way to rough reality,
This joyous phase will be over soon,
Leading to a barren run in life

You start listening soft songs,
The ones that leave you heartfelt,
The feelings within left in turmoil,
Leading to an outburst of silent tears

There are those who do what they claim,
There are those who claim to do,
There are ones who do without any claim,
And then then there are one who don't do

Whats left behind ain't four years,
It's foundation of your life,
These are the friends,
For the rest of your lives

Deep down within the scenes,
Are hidden feelings,
That were left unexpressed,
Or unable to be shown

The relationships that bloomed once,
Those special ones that still hold up,
Those that fell apart with time,
And those that never withered

All is left behind this day forth,
To step up for oneself in life,
Crossing another milestone,
Chasing your so called dreams

One last tight hug,
Just this one last time,
To create another memory,
To stitch in this book of life

College Days - III

Gone are the days,

That we sit in class,

Gone is the time,

That we enjoy life

The curtains fall,

Bringing to an end,

This short journey,

So called College life

Was it yesterday,

When we just met,

The thought looms inside,

Stunned to silence 

We met yesterday,

Just got to know each other,

And today we are parting,

Heading different ways

Life's truly a train,

That's running non-stop,

From your birth on Earth,

Till you reach your final destination 

People board at different phases,

And they leave you behind,

With nothing left to share,

Than traces of memories

But this ones a major station,

Where many get off,

Leaving the room void,

For others to fill

College Day

Another wonderful day has passed,
It was quite the unexpected,
But it pulled out a leaf,
From the book of life

Another chapter is closing,
The pages that used to turn slowly,
Are turning out rapidly,
As the end is approaching

The fluttering of the pages,
Was the only sound heard,
The last page remains,
As the one thats left unturned

All the dullness took a bow,
All the feelings flew out,
Time stalled a bit,
For the day was ours

The stage was set well,
To contain the excitement,
The atmosphere so vibrant,
That left everyone blooming

The feeling in the air,
Made it so evident,
That all were pretty set,
For bidding farewell

Together for Life

We have traveled this path,
That's been more of a drag,
We been together four years,
But three never made any sense

Now as the end approaches,
We seem to be finally glued,
The paths are converging now,
Just to split up once again

The papers once stapled together,
Never detach without leaving the mark,
So is the case with a relation,
Be it in any of its forms

We missed all these days,
We missed all the fun,
Now its too late,
For the days are gone

Time may split us apart,
Life may show different paths,
But all I know is that,
This spirit of friendship shall remain

This bonding should have happened sooner,
Cause now its too late to wish,
Hardly two days left for the end,
Time just flew this semester unlike no other

Hate to say this thou,
But time changed me so,
This feeling inside right now,
Brings nothing but tears

College Days - II

I've been alone,
I've been ignored,
It hurt within each day,
But it made me strong

I'm letting go this time,
All the rhymes for this one,
I'm letting go this time,
All the feelings that lie within

This day I go forth,
Overflowing with emotions,
These last few days,
Unable to accept the change

These days are numbered,
Countable with fingers,
These days are counted,
As the ones that shouldn't pass

What can you or I do,
To stop this time,
From slipping right through,
Leading to emptiness

Never felt this way,
Never been so attached,
Not when school ended,
Not all these years

Why is this happening now,
Why is this feeling creeping in,
What's with the tears,
Filling up the eyes so fast

Never thought this would happen,
Never thought I would change,
When I would cry for this,
When I would miss my college life

I wanna cry out loud,
I wanna hold on to this,
I just can't let go,
I just can't take this anymore

I still see myself hating this college,
I see myself waiting for the end,
Everyday I was complaining,
All those days three years long

Why should I cry,
Why should I cry,
I never cared a damn,
Then why should I now

I find no words that sound right,
The strings so tightly attached,
The sound that resonates,
Ain't anything but heart felt music

No more boring lectures,
No more silly fights,
No more funny jokes,
No more college days

College Days - I

We were young,
When we came,
We were filled,
With so much hope

What was expected,
Was what we saw,
But what we saw,
Was just a movie

That was the time,
Filled with Happy Days,
Full of dreams,
Full of hope

But it wasn't so,
And left us low,
We expected more,
Cause of what we saw

Life moves so fast,
Time stalls for none,
Life changed so fast that,
Time flew like wind

Now we're at the end,
Of such a long trip,
That changed our lives,
Which was so unexpected

Those were the days,
The so called college days,
Those were the days,
Which changed our lives

The Past Week

                    Its been quite a while since I wrote anything on my blog. Well times changed a little bit ya know. Last Saturday was quite a day, the last one of January, well it so happened that I din't have work that day since it was a fourth Saturday, so I was at home. Dad asked me , when I will sleep and I told not anytime before 3am , because by then i got used to the work timings of being awake all night and sleeping during the day time. So he told me that I should go with him at 2:30am to see grandma as she was leaving then. So well I thought why not, I'll be awake anyway so just spent time online doing some random stuff and then switched to watching anime. Then when it was the time dad called me and I got dressed up and we went. Saw grandma , bid her goodbye and then dad told me to drive. It was around 5am , and well I so love driving the car during those empty hours of the day. It was awesome driving on empty roads so fast and dad put the AC, and then my eyes were like closing , even though I was trying to keep them open and worse , buses started rolling out on the roads and their headlights flashing straight at my eyes did me no help. Still driving was awesome. Got back home about 6am and then got ready to sleep. It was my usual time when I used to reach back home after work and so lay down to sleep, but in a few minutes, the alarm started ringing, the most irritating alarm ever , the one that my bro puts, no matter how many times I shut it down it keeps ringing, you know how that feels don't you.Then what, it felt hopeless, so took my laptop which was at arms length and then like in the pictures seen on Facebook recently I held my laptop up, I was lying upright on the bed ya know. I had a small fear in me that it may fall down right on my tummy , and since its super thin , wiki says 3mm, you know a fall from above can be pretty painful. Got up and sat and then thought I will just play the Fb games that I started playing recently. Then his alarms stopped and I went back to sleep. Waking up was pretty normal , at 2:30pm.

                              The most important part of that Sunday was that , Monday followed, it wasn't like any Mondays that I've been having this past month, but had exams in college. I have a habit of studying everything only on the day of the exam, so thought I will sleep early on Sunday night and wake up early on Monday morning. There was just one doubt looming in my mind, and that was whether I would fall asleep at this hour. Well I was right, and wasn't falling asleep and just when I was asleep mom woke me up unnecessarily to eat dinner. I told them not to wake me up and now it was a disaster, I just wasn't falling asleep. And well ended p sleeping just 2 hours. And then woke at 7,only time left was to dress up and get ready. Since the first exam was Networks and security related wrote something. But well the second was a disaster, no mood to even study during the break and lots of hangover of tiredness. The only aim was to get back home early cause we had a company meeting that evening. So had to reach office early. Even the meeting was crap , our MD blamed the night batch of poor performance and told we were less productive, saying the day batch is twice as productive. But is it true? We are all newbies in the night and also we are rather half in number as compared to the day batch. The day batch has all 6 or more months experience so is it a wonder that they are better? And don't we deserve credit for being able to keep up that half productivity? Well that day went like that , got back home around 4:30 am cause I had to go to college that day for the second day of exams. Told dad to wake me up , but he forgot , so ended up waking pretty late, when I took the phone and looked at the time, it was 8:30am darn , even the bus had gone by then. Then what rushed and had to go to college via car. Both exams went real bad.

                                 Now Facebook is like monitored and banned over there in office so not using it much there, just login twice or thrice just to play the games for a bit. And thats another reason why I couldn't post anything here. 1st of February was the day , we were told to submit our rough report , but since the rest of the students had exams on 1st we got an extra life, and got one more day. So on Wednesday my friend came home at around 10:30 to start our report. Well so even that day, din't sleep well. And we started editing other reports with our content and managed to finish it by 5pm. So submitted it to teacher yesterday. Since its been quite a week for me I just decided to sleep over today and skip college. The going to college thought puts a frown on my face anyway, 4 subjects and 7 periods well how boring. Plus the sleepy feeling , altogether made me sleep today. So here I am, writing a blog after so long cause this is the only time after a week that I got some free time to write something. Well now its been said that our presentation will be on February 27 which is a relief. And as for the project we managed something within Monday and Tuesday. So completed the project without doing anything. It was so sudden, now have to know everything about it.

                          Will write again, when I get time , have to go to work tonight aswell as tomorrow night. So todays break was really something I deserved. Taking both studies and work together can be a real mess with all the stress. And its been told that classes end on March 26 so this drag will go on for sometime which is gonna be pretty harsh on my health.

Tour in College Life

                 Everyone likes going no tours with friends and family. It's always the best time we spend with them. Every college and school takes the students on a tour atleast once every year. During school life there was a time when every class had a tour but when it was our turn , they changed the setup to tours only on odd years like 5th,7th,9th and 11th standards. Still it was fun, the best being the last tour we went. But in my college things were much worse. Our seniors had pretty amazing excursions to different places, but when it came to us, it so became that tour kind of got banned. Like what the hell?? No tour in four years of college life?? It was such a disappointment, we had a strike and got suspended for it aswell. Then there was a parent-teacher meeting where the cunning management spoke like its too dangerous and risky and stuff like that. Some parents fell for it while some others were on our side. Are they forgetting that they too had gone on excursions during their college life?? And they want us to sacrifice it on what grounds?? Nothing is ever going to be perfect, mistakes need to be made and then corrected than not to take the action at all , its like cutting off a tree cause it will shed its leaves on your porch.

       Three years passed, no tour at all for us , everyone was always against us. It so happened that we got a break this year, in our seventh semester, a week long holiday due to the Pooja holidays. The college was never going to allow us an excursion so the students planned it out. We asked all the teachers if anyone of them could accompany us but none was willing to, and the only one who could come, couldn't come cause of fixture issues. People started backing out from the tour. I was determined to go anyway, whether the number of people was 10 to 40. Then we managed to get in three parents to accompany us, which got back some of those who stepped out. And thus we went on our much hyped and much awaited tour.

                             It was best ever series of days I ever had during my college life, and I am sure that all those who came on that excursion feel the same. Those were definitely the best days of my life. The best and most important part was that, it was when we actually started bonding with lots of others in our own class.  This is what a tour means to the lives of college students. So much fun and above that it brings everyone together. Too bad we all got closer only at the end of our second last sem and our last sem is almost over with regular classes being merely a month or two. This tour made us who we are today, united everyone in our class. We can never express how much the people who backed out of the tour due their silly reasons missed out. Too bad their ego let them down this time. They just missed the time of their lives. Those moments will be ever cherished in my heart. Never ever felt I would miss anything in my college life , but now have to rewrite that, will miss the last and final year the most. Will miss my friends and the awesome times spent with them. If this tour was one year before, the class would have been so much different. Wish we have one more tour before we are done with this last sem , unfortunately there aint much time left for that now. 

My First Job

        Job, the one thing 6 out of 10 students aim for when after completing their graduation courses. When I used to hear job at the time I joined my Engineering course, I never had any hope of getting any job when I passed out of college. Infact I never wanted to do Engineering in the first place. Was always interested in animation and believed working in a field of interest will be most enjoyable. Well anyway now that I've joined it by force or by lack or resistance I had to pass out somehow. So kept studying the way I could or how i wanted to, and so time passed. 


                       Like in every engineering college we also had to do a main project in our last year or more precisely in the last semester. The design had to be submitted at the end of the seventh semester. Actually I was pretty clueless as to what we would do this time around cause we screwed up our mini project and the marks awarded to us were the lowest of all groups. We were both shocked and enraged, cause we did our project ourselves and we got so low marks and those who brought projects from outside and submitted got way better marks. So much for the "do it yourself" motto. Many groups remained unchanged while mine had a small change, one member got swapped, thats how you can put it. This time the idea was his. He came up with the idea of doing a project for iPhone, his ideas were sleek, we added a few minor add-ons of our own to it. Then we set out to find a place where we will get aid to put our ideas into form. We went to lots of places, but no luck. Finally we found a few places, they all claimed stuff. But due to financial reasons we chose the place where we had to pay the least, even that was quite a huge sum of money. It was in Technopark, over here this is our IT city, its the one place in Trivandrum where you feel you aint in Trivandrum, thats how the campus is. But the problem was that we couldn't put our ideas into action. They told if you want to do it you can , but they will take it as a client project, even without all the features. So we dropped the idea and chose one of their live projects, so it would be easier for them to help us with our project. But the shock that came in the coming weeks was when iOS 5 was released. Siri came with almost every feature we were planning to implement and even more advanced than we could imagine. We all felt like our idea was stolen, wel in any case they may have been working on it for some time.


                   So we started going there and started learning the basics of how to program in Xcode. Since we were in the last year and it was that time when companies start recruiting final year students. Since our college is in some kind of rural area, not many companies come there for campus recruitment. One by one friends in other colleges were getting placed. Then one fine day, our marketing manager told us that there are vacancies and they are looking for freshers and if we knew anyone, we should let them know about the vacancy in the company. My friend grabbed the hook, instead of the pass outs he told them that we are interested. And he never let go of the hook and finally convinced him to arrange an interview for us. Those two days were the funniest days, infact none would have given us a job in that condition. All of us forgot to take a resume , plus my dressing was too damn informal, sneakers included. The aptitude test went fine, though my program was pretty messed up. Then the interview, couldn't get funnier. It was the project manager, but we knew him as we were students there for some time. Couldn't answer most of the questions, yet we were selected, next was the HR interview. We were pretty scared about it but the scenario that awaited us was different. The MD just told some conditions that we should follow and right away gave us the job. We were so darn thrilled, the joy had no bounds. I got a job, my first job , and that too in Technopark. We students at that time in our seventh semester got ourselves a job and had to join on the 1st of December 2011. Thus now I have a job and I am still in my last semester of college. Feels pretty awesome to have a job when you pass out and more importantly a good long work experience by the time all results are out and cleared.