Chained down

So....that's it? That's how you want it to end? All this time, for nothing? Maybe that would have been more apt, if you were asking this after two years, or at least that's what you'd have been repeatedly playing inside your mind on repeat for the past few weeks.

  I saw this coming. I actually did, seeing the pressure you're in, seeing how you were realizing things, a lot more recently. It's actually alright though, cause there's nothing to blame you for. After all, we are both old, and reaching certain ages where family expects this and that to happen. I know for a fact that, I've no magic tricks up my sleeve to make your wishes come true in an instant. I was willing to go to different lengths to see to that, the future I saw would someday become reality. But nobody has any time for anything no, n time doesn't wait either.

   It would've been nice, if you could have accepted this slow path, with a bit of uncertainty as hurdles, but you're afraid of the ghosts of pasts, coming to haunt you again. I can't give any assurances other than my word, which seems to have no value to anyone. Cause, how can I promise something, when my life itself has so assurance. I can die today or tomorrow or any day in the coming weeks, nobody knows. It's alright for you to leave me behind, just like everyone else, but this time, I won't be as hurt as I've been before, cause a certain part of me is numb after repeats of what has happened over the years.

  I love you, and I've nothing but only fond memories of you, and that will keep eating me up from inside, everyday for the rest of my life. Cause, whether you know it or not, I saw my future with you, as a reality more than I've ever felt with anyone else.

  Love, I'm really sorry, for hurting you in ways you've never wanted to be hurt. For hurting you so much, over little things & for always letting you down.

 I've felt, I've been tying you down a lot, though you wanted something better, though I knew I'll probably never ever be able to make all of your wishes come true. I wish I was a little better....