Been in love?

Have you been in love? Do you know what it feels like, when it hurts you from the inside, not because of someone, but cause of your own shortcomings. I would really like to apologise for that.

  I used to feel good about myself before, no matter what happened and how lonely I used to be, no matter how useless I felt, at least I used to feel that, I could be really good to people. But I guess I couldn't have been any more wrong.

 I can't even sustain a relationship. I've probably felt too much emotions and that I'll be someone who never leaves anyone behind. No matter what ever happens. At least, I used to try to cling on to people as long as I could, till they cut me off by force.

 Who am I kidding anyway. I've failed miserably, at each and every thing I've tried to do. All those bubbles I've been living in were probably burst in split seconds. Guess, I'm living a lie, a life built on false hope and delusions.

   I'm still not ready, as I thought or imagined I was. I'm not ready for anything yet. Wonder, when I'll ever grow up and be more responsible. Or do I even ever want to be? I really don't know.

Maybe, someday I'll find myself. I just hope it's not a little too late, when I do...