Guilty

I shouldn't feel guilty, should I? But I do, it was only one thing at first and then it magnified exponentially. I shall note this down, cause I'll probably forget anyway. But cause someone got really hurt, and will never forget it, I guess it needs to remain somewhere, where I can keep looking back to, to feel guilty all over again.

  So the thing is. I was out anyway on a Saturday. I slept a lot or I did other stuff, like cutting nails and other stuff & had a pretty good, long bath. N I was probably supposed to meet a friend for lunch, but I got super late anyways & so that plan got cancelled. But I had to go to the city to pick up phone from my friend & so I went. It was cloudy all day, and I was scared it'll rain. Anyway, as you know, its been raining in South India non stop & parts of Kerala and Karnataka are already drowning. So a rain is the last thing you want, when you go out. And ya, I'm super broke already, with just 500rs left in account or something, though its just the first week or so.

   I had my lunch or brunch or whatever sponsored & in a way, it ended up being the only meal of the day as well. And then some random street walking and window shopping, I decided to call it time and head back home. And that's when I got a text from a friend who was in bangalore, but I had totally forgotten about it. But then when she said something like, "I wouldn't have met her anyway or something, Cuz of some text in group", I was like, what even? Why would anyone take all the rubbish I say so seriously? N that's when I felt really guilty. But I was already in a cab & on my way back to my room, so far far away. And the skies were still scary. I am super broke and can't afford to pay surge charge n all, in Uber :s so I left for home. And obviously since I was feeling guilty, I told the one I could talk to or supposedly tell anything to, that I was feeling guilty and bad that I couldn't meet. And then started the explosion of feelings.

 I really didn't think it would hit a nerve. Jealousy is one thing, but meeting a friend, who we both know? I really can't understand why. Bedsides I was anyway on my way home, Cuz I didn't want to be late & thought she'll be waiting for me. Damn, I still dunno what I did wrong there. Lack of trust is one thing, but I really can't say anything about this and what was going on.

 Maybe something from the past might have hit her hard. But I never knew & that made me insensitive na. Well, who knew, not much I can do about it now, after the damage is done. I can only apologise, but I guess there's no trust, but I am only sorry for not asking, and for not knowing that it'll hurt. Cuz I'll definitely be sad, if I went to some state and if my friend there couldn't meet me. That's how I see things anyway.

I have anyways, always been wrong I guess.... Maybe someday...