Thursday, March 27, 2014

You don't talk much, do you?

     "You don't talk much do you?" he asked. And all I could do was just smile back, accepting the reality of me. Why is it that so? I could chat freely with anymore on all those chatting apps or Facebook for that matter. And if I look at the present situation, I'm getting bad at socializing even though the so called social apps. And just when I thought I could turn all that energy I have in chatting into real life conversations as well, I'm starting to fade out there as well. So what actually happened?

                                           I'm still wondering what went wrong. How I could have become so much of an anti-social element, when I know that I could have been so very different. As I try to build a bridge and link up all the events, all I can see are the two sides of the bridge. Where I used to be, and where I am now.

               I don't really like the idea of putting this out, but nowadays I don't seem to have anyone to share anything with either. Not that I have nobody, it's all changed. As you know people change and all with passing time. I no longer know whom to talk to, for every other time, I seem to end up upsetting the one I really want to talk to. How things used to be between us, and how things are right now? I no longer no know what to tell or ask, for you no longer seem to want to tell me anything. I used to pull it all out of you back then, but now I just don;t seem capable of doing so without putting you in utter gloom. And on top of that you don't think you should tell me, or that I would understand it anyway right? How far we've distanced. I see it clear, this isn't what I wanted, but is something that I've always feared. Loosing someone is far too much for me to comprehend. I didn't even want love to come stand in the way and split us apart. Not that i couldn't see the love, just that I didn't want anyone getting hurt anymore, be it you or me. I had put my faith in long distance once, for it just to be shattered to crumbs, and so did you. I consider trust, a far more assuring thing to have than love, that has been far taken too lightly as a namesake.

 Nobody cares,
 nobody loves,
 its all just lust,
 its just a show off.
I cant't be one,
Just like them all,
To blend with the flow,
Of timely change.

       That was pretty odd, that I had to write like that, would've been odder if I had written those lines out flat. I've pretty much lost the will to look beyond the past. I no longer have a clue what is going on, or what may happen in time that's yet to come. Everything's turning far to poetic right now, I came to write something and it seems I've diverted like always. These wandering thoughts fill up my mind, leaving no space for some useful thoughts to sit for a while.

                   Leaving the thoughts of her behind, maybe one of those reasons that I talk lesser even on chats now. And knowing and experiencing the fact that no one will miss my presence if I just get washed off in a whim, except maybe my parents, that too cause they're my parents. I've always been the calm and patient one, at least most of the time I am. I've forgiven people for all that they've done to me, even if it was the maximum possible damage they could inflict on me mentally. I just let it all go. After all they are my friends and if I don't stoop down before someone who doesn't bother to budge, there would be no end to it. I accept my mistakes and apologize. I do tend to be clumsy most of the time. I don't follow up on all the action, because I've never been exposed to them before. And I've always felt that there's something lacking in me, that just always puts me off from the rest. I just don't get along well with anyone do I? Is it cause I don't open up anymore to anyone? If so, why can't I? Maybe trust issues, maybe I just don't feel comfortable with anyone at all. Will that actually make me #foreveralone in all senses? Even if surrounded by a couple of so called friends, who know nothing about me, and seems like I don't know anything about them either. I just don't speak at all do I. I have no clue as to what I have to speak, when to speak what and those situational stuff. All in all, I suck at being human.

                                     And at the other edge of the bridge, I see a completely different me. All I can remember now is that I used to have a couple of great friends back then. Boys and girls, full on fun with them. Playing games, fighting, and what not. It all changed with a change in scene, that change of school which changed me forever. I don't remember making good friends out of anyone except the ones who sat next to me in class. And even out of them very few seem to be even of the fringes of a so called in touch.

                                         Why me? Why do I have to be like this? I feel pretty useless right now. Even though people who know me well, know me better. I don't feel the need for anything. I don't make phone calls anymore. In fact I no longer know why people call others. All that coupled with some incidents, have made it all the more harsh on the nature. And the smartphone has become just a smart device for me. In fact I would no longer care if it had no signal anymore if it could just grab some 3G out of thin air or something. Such has been the plight of me, that I see nothing bright anymore. I just end up wishing, wishing for a lover, wishing for a friend like the ones I see in movies. Wishing for all the impossible things in life. And I don't even think I'm putting a foot forward in the right direction anymore. It doesn't seem like I would be comfortable in jobs that involve a lot of talking do I?

                    Having a thousand friends on Facebook doesn't solve anything. I just barely know them. And do they know me? I wonder. And with the change instilled in people over time, I've pretty much lost a couple of friends who I thought were very good buds. Along went a part of my faith in humanity as well. People tend to go away, don't they. You can't stop it, and you've go to accept it don't you? Seems like I just can't get myself to accept the reality that they're gone and are no longer coming back. For every chance I get, I try to drag them back into my life. But do they care? I suppose not, they've moved on after all. When you get better friends, those with similar wavelengths, you'd tend to get along better with them. I should of course not let this affect me, but the more I think, the lower I fall into the depths of loneliness. People can of course, come and tell you're not alone. At least best friends will, but the fact of the reality is that, you're way too far away to make me feel any better in real life, than just comfort me for a little while. Maybe, just maybe if I had at least one of you hanging around me, it would've been different. Maybe I would've changed and become better socially. For I don't see myself making such awesome friends outta anyone anymore. For I just don't talk much anymore, I rarely make friends out of strangers nowadays, they rather tend to remain as acquaintances rather than turn into good friends. I don't blame any of them, it's all just me. I just don't seem so interested in anything anymore or so, I think that's the kind of aura that's emanating off of me. All in all, I just feel like another brick in the wall.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Oh Poor Soul

All those that glitters,
Sparks a light,
In those colourless eyes,
A gleam of hope,
A piece of light,
To the narrow exit,
Like a pin hole,
To a distant dream,
Faded to plain white,
With shades of Grey

Lost in the echoes,
Of voices unheard,
Craving to burst out,
To spill out,
To bear the burden,
Treading this body down,
To the lower echelons,
To burn in hell fire

Where is everybody,
When you need a hand,
To pull you out,
From this treacherous dream,
Or was it the dream,
That you dreamed so long,
Betraying your senses,
Betraying the faith,
A life of lies,
Made of images,
Unreal feelings and lust

The wall looks down on you,
With unbound pity,
You poor soul,
At thy misery,
Been seeing this a while,
Been sick and tired,
Of the endless playlist,
Playing on repeat,
The look in disbelief,
Of a crushed soul 

The promises they made,
Wondering why they did,
Speak such mean things,
Was it all part of a script,
Of unchartered  thrills,
Limitless pain,
Never ending tears,
Faith be lost,
Forsaking all humanity

Do you start all over,
Or do you quit,
Do you risk again,
With an outcome so clear,
To try your luck,
With all odds against,
One last time,
To make it,
Or end up broken,
Not just once,
But for all eternity 

Friday, January 10, 2014

The Curse


      This doesn't come as a surprise, for the fact that I'm even writing here is proof of the curse that hath befallen over me for quite the while, for all I wanted to write about was a poem and ended up stuck halfway through and here I am writing a blog post maybe?

              Oh yeah, "The Curse" , it ain't nothing out of the ordinary really, maybe you too may have had similar experiences in your own lives. But to put it in a line, it goes like this : " Everything that I wish for with all my heart, the exact opposite of it happens and everything I wish for wishing the opposite so that I get the desired result, those get granted." , pretty much the exact of what " The Alchemist" would've had to say. This is one hell of a curse that I've been aware of since school days, and I did try to get the effects to work in my favor only for the undesired outcome.

             I've never wanted to do Engineering, that I did. Thought I'll clear through with only the first year being a hurdle and here I am stuck with all the rest of the semesters instead. Physics and Chemistry were almost a sure failure and that I expected, but I passed. While in the rest of the semesters sure pass subjects have yielded me failures, even after giving a supposedly easy paper. And never did I ever imagine getting a job, but I got one and that too in the 7th Sem itself.  I believed I would complete 2 years over there or at least stay till I see out the bond period, but even that I broke and left a month before it the period expired.

           The effect of the curse have been numerous, and when I set out to write this I had a pretty clear idea that this could be my next good poem and as I finished a few lines I lost it too. But the main reason for even starting this is the effect of the curse, I was gonna sleep in fact I was waiting for mom to just call me for my glass of cold coffee, and when I went she said no, I din't make, go have some juice and go to sleep and so I did, and just a few mins later when I lay down to sleep, she came in and woke me up to drink coffee. So that's why I am awake now and writing this ( actually was supposed to write a poem) for I knew I'll forget the words that came into my head when I wake up tomorrow.

        And as for the most recent effects of the curse might be, never getting what I wish for obviously like a gf maybe, or rather having a crush on someone and building castles in the sky only for them to come crashing down within a day or two. And missing a lot of events by a whisker. And and saddest part of it all, was hoping my best friend (one of my besties) would get site as Bangalore and then would've someone to actually hang around with and then getting the news the next day that even that opening is lost and the possibility of her coming there is as good as nil now. For that really was something I really wished for, for I really needed someone close to me there, after all I'm living a dull and dead life in Bangalore of all places. Every time I visualize something in my mind, those amazing moments just get erased off my real life. Even the fact that I got a little crush on someone that I barely talked for a day, and the fact that she didn't even come online today, and the cruel fact that I missed her by 4 minutes when she did come online pretty much sums up how the curse has been so dominant in my life recently. The fact that I've wanted to do animation, and couldn't, the fact that I've wanted to join Frankfinn and missed out cause I fell short by 1 or 2 cms. And most importantly the fact that I wanna excel in the stuff that I love to do and end up becoming more of a Jack of all trades and a master of none.

       Whether it's a curse or not, I could care less what people think, for from what I see it's always going wrong for me. For I've always wished not to hurt the people I love and I've always succeeded in hurting every last one of them, especially parents and the other people I love the most.


Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Customize your Holidays

    "Customize your holidays" , well that what I felt when I saw the site first. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you might wanna take a look at it here . Even I came across this well structured site recently, to give a proper review on their new "Create your package tool", and boy it didn't disappoint.

                   The site provides a whole lot of holiday packages, well that wouldn't actually attract too many people cause there definitely will be a whole lot of sites and agencies that provide a fixed holiday package. From my last trip one thing I learned is that fixed packages really miss out on certain spots of personal interest, may not be appealing to majority of the tourists and will be neglected from the main package. So I would suggest you do your part of research too on the places you're gonna visit just so that you could avoid "Oh, I was there and never knew that such a place existed". But of course most tourists would be content with the usual travel/holiday packages. Anyways this site, with this customize option lets you actually customize, or rather hand pick yourself what you wanna do, where (all)  you wanna go, where you'd like to stay ( for you wouldn't wanna be complaining if you end up staying in a hotel that ultimately haven't satisfied or met your expectations), the vehicle you'd like to hire , pick up and drop and all those sort of small but really important details. And yes, all that without even having to consult anyone, cause its all well briefed in the site. It's actually plain simple to use and I haven't run into any crashes or errors in between which has occurred a couple of times on other sites.

                          I would recommend you check out the site yourselves, for I wouldn't want you to miss out on this. Personalizing at its best. For you no longer have to bear with the preset accommodation, be on the lookout for cabs once you arrive at the Railway station or Airport and succumb to their demands. You pay extra and customize, you make the best out of it yourself. A perfect tour package that you've made for yourself. It just doesn't get any better than this does it?

                Well that's about it, a short review on the really impressive feature of "Create your package" functionality available on "Must See India". I loved the idea and I hope you do too. The next time you plan a holiday for yourself or your family, why not handpick places of interest and make your very own holiday package.



Friday, September 13, 2013

Smartphone : What smartphone?

                                 Smartphones have been present in the markets for a few decades now, but it's only in the past couple of years that they've really took the steam and surged right upto the extent that people started preferring one over a laptop. Right, if laptops brought portability, smartphones now bring with them extreme portability, ie they can be carried around in your pockets. In fact a smartphone can take care of all the usual things that you do on a laptop, from surfing the net to playing HD games, unless of course you want to specialize in something. Anyways the smartphone market has sure put a dent in the laptop market. So you've a smartphone I presume or you intend to buy one pretty soon. I shall give you a realistic user's long term review on a few of these smartphones

                               The market has gone highly inflated or something, because back in those days only iPhone used to cost around 35k and very few would actually have spent that kind of money on a phone. I still remember the times when buying a phone at 15k was very expensive, then the bar was raised to 25k and as time passed, to 35k. Nowadays the flagship models of almost every major maker has a price tag around 40k. And over time I've realized that spending than kind of money over a phone is not really worth it, cause when you go to sell after 2 or 3 years how much do you think you'll get for it? Technology is advancing at such a fast rate that all these high end phones of the present will be the base minimum after 2 or 3 years.

               Nokia used to be the symbol of trust and reliability back in its days, it's a pity to see a company that was once the market leader go down like this and finally end up being brought by Microsoft. Windows phone was present for a really long time, in fact more than Android or iOS for that matter, but they still fall light years behind those two market leaders. Credit goes to Nokia for sticking with an unknown OS, when they could've very well joined the Android bandwagon and flourished. In fact Nokia put serious effort into Windows phones that you'd rather buy a Lumia than any other Windows phones just cause of the exclusive apps available that're really good. The Nokia Music Store is pretty new yet it has almost any song you would want to have. Nokia phones were always well known for their great cameras ever since N8 came into the fray and it continues to do so in the Lumia series as well. But the thing that really impressed me is the Windows Amber update. I used to hear people complain that Lumia 920 doesn't have an FM radio, it has only a great camera and nothing else. But the update brought by Amber, actually brought in an FM Radio capability, the camera was improved further, technically the ISO levels were raised from 800 to 3200, and that actually puts the Lumia on par with my camera. And the double tap to unlock feature that came with the Amber update also amazed me. Then again the complaints that have been going on around are true too, had to get it replaced once and also the apps available are quite less but that will change soon enough.

               So pitting iOS against Android n WP8, both iOS and WP8 are silky smooth and are really easy to use. Android may be a bit complex for the older generation of people to use, but customization wise Android and iOS are miles ahead of WP8, though you can't do anything much unless you jailbreak an iPhone and Android can be to a great extent even without rooting the phone. So if you're looking for completely personalizing your phone Android is just the right thing for you. Where as if you want an easy to use phone to gift someone then go for an iPhone or a Windows phone.

                  Haters gonna hate, that's the case with iPhone, its true that iPhone 5 never lived upto the expectations and it surely was overpriced too for that matter, but in reality it is an awesome phone in fact the perfect phone if only it were priced appropriately. No matter what I say fanboys will be fanboys and will argue for their phones. I have used all three over the last 2 years, during that time the iPhone 4 and the Lumia 920 had to be replaced once inside its warranty period. The Lumia still has sometime left in its warranty, but then there is my phone, LG Optimus 2x, a phone that I brought at a time when Android was just blooming, and cause S2 and Xperia Arc were out of stock everywhere. We never really trusted Samsung or LG anymore cause of the previous experiences with normal phones and buying an LG now when all the previous purchases were always a Nokia phone was like blind move. But I'll never regret having that phone, even if I may wish at times that if I had brought an S2 I could've used it a bit longer cause of the 1GB ram in it. Anyways after 2 years of using it, all I can say is that it never really ever had any issues, by now its battery may have passed its life span n cause of which it gives a really bad standby as well. And this is also another in favour of the iPhone, Android phones as of now can't really match the standby of an iPhone.

                  My personal view : I don't like Samsung, but I loved S2 , Galaxy Nexus and Note 2. Nevertheless Samsung does make good phones, but their so called budget phones are overpriced and if you're looking for good phones go for the high end ones, because there are way too many others out there like Micromax, Karbon, etc which make phones which have similar features and are available for much lower.