tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42370033769753566322024-02-19T13:48:08.995+05:30Thoughts of the LostToo much randomness spilt from the mind.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08277583667777585262noreply@blogger.comBlogger277125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-90665140942278891772019-12-30T01:23:00.003+05:302019-12-30T01:23:54.960+05:30Unlovable <div>June 6, 2018 </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>You've left me feeling unlovable,</div><div>Now I'm pushing people away, </div><div>To be alone and isolated, </div><div>To feel more miserable, </div><div>Wishing it would all end soon, </div><div>After all the beauty, </div><div>The end result, </div><div>Simply tends to be same. </div><div><br></div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-70403787083529475982019-12-30T01:23:00.001+05:302019-12-30T01:23:21.380+05:30Inability <div>June 7, 2018</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Just when you're going to, </div><div>Tell something to someone,</div><div>You hold back and let it be,</div><div>When you see them happy,</div><div>Fearing what you say,</div><div>Will take it away</div><div><br></div><div>Knowing that happiness, </div><div>Is something they deserve, </div><div>Your words will only take it away, </div><div>Cause words of pain,</div><div>Can change the flow, </div><div>Now I'm left alone,</div><div>Unable to talk to anyone, </div><div>Cause it'd be crime,</div><div>To take what they have, </div><div>Just cause I don't have. </div><div><br></div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-9792415567460556972019-12-30T01:22:00.001+05:302019-12-30T01:22:37.284+05:30Hero<div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>The only scary thing now is,</div><div>To turn into someone, </div><div>Who I am not. </div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-80319176098042814252019-12-30T01:21:00.003+05:302019-12-30T01:21:58.236+05:30Bad <div><br></div><div>The fact that I'm writing so much here means,</div><div>This is bad 😂😂</div><div>I shouldn't be writing so much,</div><div>I really wouldn't be,</div><div>I think I don't even want to,</div><div>But I don't have a choice, do I,</div><div>After all, this is all I've got,</div><div>To write and write,</div><div>Cause I can't talk to anyone,</div><div>Nor do I wanna,</div><div>Strangers reading stuff is better,</div><div>Cause I don't care,</div><div>If they judge or not,</div><div>Nobody told you to read it,</div><div>Heck I ain't even tagging anything,</div><div>To direct to to people and their attention,</div><div>I just want to keep writing,</div><div>Cuz I'm beyond full,</div><div>With these emotions that kill,</div><div>Chipping away at my life. </div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-26727306306967343292019-12-30T01:21:00.001+05:302019-12-30T01:21:25.020+05:30Bane<div>June 9, 2018</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Feels like Bane,</div><div>Repeating his lines,</div><div>Might tottaly makes sense,</div><div>I was born in pain,</div><div>Raised and moulded by it,</div><div>I wasn't happy until,</div><div>I was devoured by pain,</div><div>You think pain is your ally,</div><div>You merely adjusted to it,</div><div>I've been so wrapped in pain,</div><div>That now I am pain itself. </div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-3025431790719497642019-12-30T01:20:00.003+05:302019-12-30T01:20:51.783+05:30Stories <div>June 10, 2018 </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div> Weaving glittery words,</div><div> With ability to connect,</div><div> Those invisible dots,</div><div> Screaming out stories unspoken,</div><div> Makes writing worthwhile.</div><div><br></div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-57784623339083035702019-12-30T01:20:00.001+05:302019-12-30T01:20:14.948+05:30Plain sight<div><br></div><div><br></div><div> Hiding in plain sight,</div><div> I cry invisible tears. </div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-10246736230328148412019-12-30T01:19:00.001+05:302019-12-30T01:19:41.886+05:30Ramblings - iii<div>June 10, 2018 </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>As it is, depression has been the only constant in life as of late. With minor spurs if okay moments to try to balance out things.</div><div>N then out of nowhere, Cuz of a dumbass friend, hot wheels became my happy thingy. Collecting them and having them was like pure joy, in between all this nonsense. In fact there is so much I still need but can't find at all. If anyone ever wants to help me, please do send me some hot wheels ha, also I have a list of cars I need, that I couldn't get yet. Will be super happy if you could find em and get em for me.</div><div><br></div><div>But I don't really expect any of you to do that anyway, so chill. I have no expectations of you and you've no obligation to do anything either. Just to make it clear.</div><div><br></div><div>But the thing is, since my best friend is abroad and since my friend told me some might be available just in that country, I was like super excited and told to get me those. And instead I get some lecture on how to live, earn money and blah blah. Just what I needed right? When this is probably the only thing that's keeping me happy right now. And it ended with Go kill yourself then, so guess that means I got some kinda permission to do that from my best friend na. At least, I don't need to feel bad or have conscience that I'll be hurting em too, maybe I'm actually just useless already and might be better off dead after all ha?</div><div>I guess, it seems that way. That kinda hurt and made me happy at the same time lol. Saying such things to people on the edge lol, wondeful.</div><div>I guess, I wouldn't still do it, if I were to do something of that sort, I wouldn't be writing here to announce myself anyway. I wouldn't want anyone to know it either. Since nobody really cares, it is best to fade away in the background, knowing that nobody will notice it even, or be affected in any way as well.</div><div><br></div><div>Anyway no need to worry about me. I wouldn't write to make people worry about me anyways. You've your own problems, if you ever want to help me find the hot wheels I'm looking for, please so lemme know. I'll be super happy to have em.</div><div>After all, that is probably the only tiny distraction I have in my life right now, keeping me sane.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-31051087954515761962019-12-30T01:18:00.003+05:302019-12-30T01:18:51.599+05:30Letting go<div>June 12, 2018 </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>In sadness and sorrow,</div><div>Lay the meek heart,</div><div>Sinking in deeper,</div><div>Struggling in quicksand</div><div><br></div><div>The struggle to be free,</div><div>Having adverse effects,</div><div>No souls to lend a hand,</div><div>No souls to hear the cries</div><div><br></div><div>The soul sinks deeper,</div><div>Embracing the reality,</div><div>There's not much to do,</div><div>Letting thy self go. </div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-4936189146023997412019-12-30T01:18:00.001+05:302019-12-30T01:18:18.149+05:30Loving the pain<div>June 12, 2018 </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Maybe I could break away,</div><div>Free from all this pain,</div><div>Seek out pastures new,</div><div>Maybe I could be happy,</div><div>Even if just a day,</div><div>Doing something different,</div><div>Maybe I could let go,</div><div>All the pain inside,</div><div>Just move on again,</div><div><br></div><div>Just maybe,</div><div>But I wouldn't do that,</div><div>I've started to love this pain,</div><div>To be hurt repeatedly,</div><div>By one after the other,</div><div>By actions or lack of,</div><div>By words or by silence,</div><div>I'll just embrace the pain,</div><div>Let it consume me,</div><div>Cause it matters,</div><div>Only to me. </div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-45133778625372495542019-12-30T01:17:00.003+05:302019-12-30T01:17:42.224+05:30Neck deep<div>June 12, 2018</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div> I am neck deep in this now,</div><div> Reaching out and lending a hand,</div><div> Might no longer work,</div><div> I may no longer accept support,</div><div> Maybe I just want to sink,</div><div> Maybe I just want it all to end. </div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-90029405734046112512019-12-30T01:17:00.001+05:302019-12-30T01:17:03.704+05:30Long gone<div>June 14, 2018</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>In the wee hours of night,</div><div>When the darkness falls,</div><div>I used to have an angel,</div><div>Watch over my soul,</div><div>I remember so well,</div><div>All those moments,</div><div>I will never forget,</div><div>All the times,</div><div>And so the story goes on</div><div><br></div><div>You've never been gone,</div><div>For this long,</div><div>Leaving me stranded,</div><div>Like a scare crow lost,</div><div>I'll never forget,</div><div>All those moments,</div><div>You and I used to spend,</div><div>All those long sweet nights,</div><div>And that's how the story goes.. </div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-82056124831330839612019-12-30T01:16:00.001+05:302019-12-30T01:16:19.875+05:30Jamming <div>June 17, 2018</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Was I too happy yesterday,</div><div>Jamming away to glory,</div><div>With stranger all across the globe,</div><div>With no care in the world</div><div><br></div><div>Cause I knew this was coming,</div><div>This fall from grace,</div><div>Into absolute depression,</div><div>Sulking in pain</div><div><br></div><div>The balance has been kept,</div><div>In sorrows and joys,</div><div>In longing and solitude,</div><div>I fail yet again. </div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-84493435099333163452019-12-30T01:15:00.003+05:302019-12-30T01:15:40.006+05:30Shattered <div>June 17, 2018</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div> You were supposed to be,</div><div> Yet here I am,</div><div> Shattered. </div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-35389574333404735162019-12-30T01:15:00.001+05:302019-12-30T01:15:03.088+05:30Bhubaneswar <div>June 23, 2018</div><div><br></div><div>3 days here and, this is the last night.</div><div><br></div><div>I didn't really know if there was anyone here, so it was a friendless lonely city sort of. </div><div><br></div><div>Never really went out if my room either. Sort of a fail, it's a good thing, I didn't even bother to take my camera. That saved me the trouble at least in the airports. </div><div><br></div><div>I really wished there was someone here in this city, that I could have met during these last few dull days. </div><div>Sadly, I brought along rain with me, as I do wherever I go. It's as if the sky is crying with me or for me and my misery. </div><div><br></div><div>Guess, this is the end. </div><div>If there was anyone in Bhubaneswar I could have met, I am sorry. I didn't really know what would have happened anyway. And I didn't have the best of times here in any way at all. I sort of failed the whole purpose of my visit. I should have come prepared, instead I knew nothing and disappointed everyone involved as well. </div><div>I feel bad, sorta super bad. That at one point I wished it would all end right away. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-77952630181581493232019-12-30T01:14:00.001+05:302019-12-30T01:14:09.976+05:30Ramblings - ii<div>June 27, 2018</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>How perfect to be welcomed by a paper like this.</div><div><br></div><div>What am I to feel now?</div><div>I think I'm really falling apart now.</div><div><br></div><div>Almost 6 months now, that's half a year. How long must I wait for you? Are you coming back? Do you miss me? Do you need me anymore?</div><div><br></div><div>If someone cared, there would always be a way to concatct, even if it's a minute or maybe borrow someone's phone or anything. How I wished I could, or have a way to contact anyone near you. You've given me no way to contact you. You've left me in the dark of what's happening.</div><div><br></div><div>You should have known, how and what all I might think.</div><div>Maybe knowing that you'll be here tomorrow, is always the belief that kept me together and strong. Now what am I? Who am I to you?</div><div><br></div><div>You've given me no way to contact you, as if I shouldn't or needn't anymore. As if you don't care anymore.</div><div><br></div><div>The things I used to think up inside me, like what if anything happened to you or anything. And you have absolutely no idea how happy I felt when you sent a letter that day. I was so happy, but I couldn't feel the same vibe from you.</div><div><br></div><div>How can you leave me alone like this and go. I think I'm turning bad now. Losing my true self. Throwing it all away, without giving a damn about anyone anymore. No more feelings. No more people, seems like nobody matters to me anymore.</div><div><br></div><div>Why me? Always? I don't know if u can be broken again. Go through it all again. My faith keeps me alive with a faint hope, that'll you'll be here tomorrow.</div><div><br></div><div>Why aren't you here?</div><div>How I wish you know, how much I miss you.</div><div>Guess I taking my mind off the pain by indulging in other stuff, good or bad.</div><div><br></div><div>Am I not needed anymore, by anyone.</div><div>Falling in love isn't something that comes easy to me and at this rate I'll probably never love anyone anymore.</div><div>I really am broken. I can just keep crying over this uncertainty.</div><div><br></div><div>People say, you're not coming back. I still choose to believe otherwise. I wonder how much longer I'll have to wait to know, who I really am to you. Do I mean anything to you anymore? Is there a forever waiting for me?</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Am I deserted in the dark? Maybe this is what I deserved? Maybe I should have seen this coming?</div><div><br></div><div>Everyone leaves me behind and goes. I guess I'm discardable for all. Is that who I am to you as well?</div><div><br></div><div>Do you not miss me like before? Did you get used to this feeling of not wanting me anymore?</div><div><br></div><div>Now I am broken. </div><div>Nobody can save me. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-65582998584890741322019-12-30T01:13:00.001+05:302019-12-30T01:13:14.813+05:30Reflect<div>June 29, 2018 </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Staying in love,</div><div>Is never easy,</div><div>When you don't know,</div><div>If it's reflected. </div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-23383811681696532092019-12-30T01:12:00.003+05:302019-12-30T01:12:38.850+05:30Forget it all<div>June 29, 2018</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Forget the love,</div><div>Forget the pain it brings,</div><div>All that comes later,</div><div>When I've failed everyday,</div><div>Even at basic things,</div><div>I don't think I'm worth living,</div><div>On this cutthroat world,</div><div>The way I am. </div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-87216501567407523572019-12-30T01:12:00.001+05:302019-12-30T01:12:01.397+05:30A message that never comes<div>July 2, 2018</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div>I'm still waiting,</div><div>For the message,</div><div>That never comes. </div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-37073423263668499632019-12-30T01:11:00.001+05:302019-12-30T01:11:00.510+05:30Fear <div><br></div><div>I no longer know,</div><div>What I really seek,</div><div>Pain comes in, </div><div>All shapes and sizes,</div><div>Dredging me along,</div><div>Like a headless beast,</div><div>Splicing through,</div><div>Splinted heart,</div><div>On a journey,</div><div>To unknown realms,</div><div>Where lies atrocities,</div><div>Of immeasurable depths,</div><div>Waiting to pounce,</div><div>On this vulnerable prey,</div><div>Lost and scattered,</div><div>Stricken by fear. </div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-82400968948939516252019-12-30T01:10:00.001+05:302019-12-30T01:10:36.275+05:30Message in a bottle<div>July 4, 2018</div><div><br></div><div>Hello princess 👸,</div><div> Since I don't know how to reach you anymore. I don't really know what to do anymore. Before I could or used to keep sending you letters to one of your old accounts, but I guess you'll never ever see them anyway. Last time you showed up for a day, it was from another account anyway. You could actually make a new one and send me a letter at least. It's been 6 months without proper contact now. I had so much to say, the last time you popped up in between, after 3 months of waiting, and now you're gone again and it's been another 3 months and idk if you care anymore. Am I even necessary for you anymore? Wouldn't you try to contact, if you really wanted to? When with parents, I could understand. But when alone there? You still can't? There's no way at all? Is that it?</div><div>I no longer know, what I am to you, or for anyone for that matter.</div><div><br></div><div> I've always been the one left behind by all. Guess that'll continue on, in my life. But honestly I'm sick of life. I've really had enough of it all. I can't really find any more good reason to survive life like this. I don't really see the point. So there is always supposed to be some greater good, or some end game to it all. What do I have to fight for? What am I even trying so hard for?</div><div>Thought I'll be happy with a job, but I've already had enough of it, and just wanna quit already. Possibly quit out on life too.</div><div><br></div><div>There are lots of good people around. Lots here for sure and they'll know if they read this. But we are all individuals and have our own lives. Nobody has time for anything other than their own problems, and no, that's not me blaming anyone. It's just a fact, that you have to live with. I really don't know now, what to do. It's true, nobody needs to hear anything from anyone. Why pile it up on them, if they care it'll be bad, if they don't it's okay.</div><div><br></div><div>I usually would have sent a letter to you on your id, but idk if you'll ever login in on it, ever. Oh I don't even think you'll ever read this also. Who knows. </div><div><br></div><div>I am really tired of this. What kinda relationship is this? Where I am just lost, thinking everyday, that you'll come tomorrow. And it's been 6 months now and it seems like it doesn't even affect you. You could have told me anything. I would have never blamed you for anything. You should have known that. I keep talking to people, but I always feel that I'm committed and you'll pop up now. People say, let go and move on. Yeah right, move on from what? There was no break up in the first place to move on from. I'm still there where you've left me, but more broken n a worse human than I was at that time. I think I'm losing myself and my identity in the process. </div><div><br></div><div>It's like me, against the world of nothing. Where nothing matters anymore, nor does anyone mean anything. Can I just quit on life? I hope you won't miss me, if I don't exist anymore by some freak accident or something. If you could manage 6 months, you'll not have much of a problem for the rest of your life. </div><div><br></div><div>How I wish I could just throw away my life or donate it to someone who actually needs it, the people begging for live, for some more days. How I wish, I could make at least one lasting impact with this useless wasted life. But alas, there's no such way. I'm no angel to do good to others. I'll probably be as selfish as it comes. I'd never even be remembered for anything, and that's a good thing. I don't really want to be. It'll be easier for anyone to move in that way, just a mere life, or some face they have seen in the crowd. That's all I need to be, at the most. </div><div><br></div><div> You know, I've loved you so much. I don't think I'll ever be able to again. If I ever survive, I'll probably not have feelings attached to a heart anymore. I'll have to cut it all off, to leave the pain or live with the pain forever, every single day, for as long as I can last. </div><div><br></div><div>I'm as low as I could be. Maybe not yet at the breaking point, where I'll do something stupid. </div><div><br></div><div>Thank you for everything, you'll always be loved. </div><div>Always</div><div><br></div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-64622095519277374012019-12-30T01:09:00.001+05:302019-12-30T01:09:40.917+05:30A well wisher<div><br></div><div>July 5, 2018</div><div><br></div><div>Can't do much about it,</div><div>Probably not even gift,</div><div>The simple thing you've asked for,</div><div>Maybe one day you'll get,</div><div>Not that I can grant it,</div><div>Not that it's in my hand,</div><div>Who am I anyway,</div><div>Just a well wisher I guess,</div><div>Still it's birthday for you,</div><div>I couldn't make much there,</div><div>Here I put a few lines,</div><div>Where it no matter,</div><div>Just be happy today,</div><div>That's all I ask of you,</div><div>Be blessed always,</div><div>With love always,</div><div>Happy birthday to you. </div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-22531617592918480552019-12-30T01:08:00.001+05:302019-12-30T01:08:29.375+05:30To little things<div><br></div><div>When you start falling apart,</div><div>When nothing makes sense anymore,</div><div>When all you've got is false hope,</div><div>When all you do is cling on</div><div><br></div><div>To little things,</div><div>To memories,</div><div>To happy times,</div><div>To all we could've been. </div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-65310111772524736572019-12-30T01:07:00.003+05:302019-12-30T01:07:56.259+05:30Who are you? <div>July 8, 2018 </div><div><br></div><div>I'm getting it now,</div><div>Why they stray away,</div><div>Why good boys go bad,</div><div>Why everything changes forever,</div><div>Cause why not now,</div><div>When nothing matters anymore,</div><div>When nobody cares anymore,</div><div>When the end is always the same,</div><div>Set in stone,</div><div>The one called fate,</div><div>Where you and I,</div><div>Who were meant to be,</div><div>Ends up with,</div><div>Who are you? </div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4237003376975356632.post-38068760055412374712019-12-30T01:07:00.001+05:302019-12-30T01:07:23.683+05:30Lost identity<div>July 8, 2018</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div> Can you save me anymore,</div><div> Drunk in your memories, I sink, </div><div> Identity forever lost. </div><div><br></div>Sankarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13340599687482528944noreply@blogger.com0