Ramblings - iii

June 10, 2018 

As it is, depression has been the only constant in life as of late. With minor spurs if okay moments to try to balance out things.

N then out of nowhere, Cuz of a dumbass friend, hot wheels became my happy thingy. Collecting them and having them was like pure joy, in between all this nonsense. In fact there is so much I still need but can't find at all. If anyone ever wants to help me, please do send me some hot wheels ha, also I have a list of cars I need, that I couldn't get yet. Will be super happy if you could find em and get em for me.

But I don't really expect any of you to do that anyway, so chill. I have no expectations of you and you've no obligation to do anything either. Just to make it clear.

But the thing is, since my best friend is abroad and since my friend told me some might be available just in that country, I was like super excited and told to get me those. And instead I get some lecture on how to live, earn money and blah blah. Just what I needed right? When this is probably the only thing that's keeping me happy right now. And it ended with Go kill yourself then, so guess that means I got some kinda permission to do that from my best friend na. At least, I don't need to feel bad or have conscience that I'll be hurting em too, maybe I'm actually just useless already and might be better off dead after all ha?

I guess, it seems that way. That kinda hurt and made me happy at the same time lol. Saying such things to people on the edge lol, wondeful.

I guess, I wouldn't still do it, if I were to do something of that sort, I wouldn't be writing here to announce myself anyway. I wouldn't want anyone to know it either. Since nobody really cares, it is best to fade away in the background, knowing that nobody will notice it even, or be affected in any way as well.

Anyway no need to worry about me. I wouldn't write to make people worry about me anyways. You've your own problems, if you ever want to help me find the hot wheels I'm looking for, please so lemme know. I'll be super happy to have em.

After all, that is probably the only tiny distraction I have in my life right now, keeping me sane.