Sunday, December 29, 2019

What is the purpose of life?

In all honesty, I don't know where I or my feelings stand. But for a fact, it's skin deep, dipped in nothing but guilt. I'm no longer sure, what I seek or the damage I can cause.

I am truly sorry to everyone for the pain I bring along with me, dragging along as you try to stick around. Alas, I have lost vision of what's right or wrong. I'm blinded by a false sense of justice & doing what is right. After all, right & wrong are subjective and what's yours may not be mine.

 Maybe I just give up too easily. Maybe I just ignore all the things I said I'll do. I'm no longer who I was or who I try hard pretending to be. I'm just a wretched soul, caught up in a world of mess, that I just keep justifying all things I do, with a sense of purpose and rationality.

 From my last letter on positive thinking, or whatever I've learned from that workshop. It proved right in front of my eyes, how words spoken in the right manner can light up a person & otherwise can cause the adverse effect. That's what makes or breaks a person. Shower a person with random genuine words of appraisals and watch em glow like the full moon. And thrash em with harsh words, they'll be hit with negativity and they'll clam up into a shell of fear and depression. The more you shower, the more they're affected.

The last few days have been just that. One by one, one after the other, I've been only getting doses of that, from everyone around me. Sometimes it can really be too much, that you'll really be pushed to the edge of tolerance and sanity. Send me on a guilt trip along with that & that's just perfect. I think I still have a bit of composure to breathe and stay alive. But I still ask myself and wonder, for what and for whom?

  

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