Sometimes all you need isn't poetry, it's not those catchy rhymes that catch you off guard, it's not those heavy complex words that beg you to refer Google for meaning. Sometimes, all you need is just pure raw feels.
This, here, is based on the last letter, more or less. On a more elaborate scale, nevertheless, but with much more of the impure raw substance, that may not please the eyes. But sometimes, that's all you need, or as one that writes down shit, to feel better - that's all I need.
I can split my life into various pieces or categories, which can be classified under various titles. But the most important of them all might be, real & virtual. This again can be dependent on the reader, as it's your perception that comes to the fore here.
The point here is, mainly relating to relationships, be it of any kind. Whether it's love or along the lines of friendships. Real and virtual worlds can have varying impacts and effects. Sometimes, that's better than the best, while sometimes it's not quite enough. On that note, I've never had a girlfriend, on this real plane, but I've had in the virtual plane. This is where it gets tricky and complex. The person is real, the photos are real, the voice is real and heck, even the feelings are real, but we've never seen each other, like ever. That doesn't mean that, nothing is real. Every single thing was real, except the perception of touch. Oh, how a real touch, would have added an extra dimension to this virtual reality.
And, as is the case with all long distance relationships, you never know what's happening on the side of the phone. And they've the privilege to simply vanish off the radar with no trace. It didn't hit me, till a few days ago. With the exception of the one circle of karma, this has been a trend in my life. The vanishing act that people pull off on me. All the way from Z to the Princess, though some people involved were special in a different sense, than that of a lover. They mean so much, that when they vanish you feel pain like nothing else.
But the thing is, I've found the best of friends online, mostly from Orkut and Facebook and then from here in lettrs and a few good ones in HJ. My best friends may remain same, at least in namesake, cause we don't really talk much anymore. But the bonds never go weak between me and them & that's why they are what they are. I may no longer be able to count on them to come through for me, every single time, but they'll be there. I don't really know what to expect from my current set of friends though. They're all nice and all, but I dunno if I have that level of understanding or bond with them. They're there, but I don't really try to talk to any of them on my own, infact I don't really try to talk to anyone anymore. Like I feel so alone & lonely now, though I can reach out to anyone among them, I'd probably choose not to & simply sulk here. I really don't know anymore, what I want or what I expect from this world or life anymore. And as always, I just keep wishing that it'd all end sooner rather than later. I'd rather live on the edge with no care & let it be, and see where this ends up or takes me.
My mind is rather lost now, maybe I'll write more again. Maybe I won't, or rather can't, as the thoughts will be just forever. Not that it matters much anymore.
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