I'm feeling guilty and sorry for all the people who have ever gotten involved with me in some way or the other. I can't really make out, what has become of me. I'm questioning my very existence and purpose of life.
Why do I stand here, at these crossroads, with no answer to any of the questions. What do I want? What do I need? What do I deserve actually? If only I could pick, I would have. But fate may have something in store for me, but if it's not what I want, what's the whole point of trying so hard?
What do you live for? Is it love? Is it food? Is it for fame? Or is it for something else? Do you really know what you want? I certainity do not. I really wish, I could be of help to someone out there. All I really wanted, was to be useful and cherished by someone out there, in this dark, cold world.
I do not deserve love, care, or affection. I do not deserve anything, if the people I love or loved, and cared about are suffering, directly or indirectly due to me. What good am I or my existence, if I've to see people suffer, right in front of me. How helpless can I be, to stand and just watch shit go down.
My mind and judgment are sure as hell as clouded as it could possibly be. I've clearly no sense of direction and purpose. I try to lend a hand, only to get rejected or burnt trying. Please take my hand, and save yourself, even if it means pulling me down. I'm done seeing people suffer, for no sins of their own. Why do people have to suffer like this, when they deserve so much more. After all, life is only one.
I wish, someday, someone will accept me as I am, even if it's just for one last moment, just before my last breath. I don't seek a long life, at least not a life like this, that's as messy as it could get. All I truly ever wished, was to be your one and only, all along.....
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