You don't talk much, do you?

     "You don't talk much do you?" he asked. And all I could do was just smile back, accepting the reality of me. Why is it that so? I could chat freely with anymore on all those chatting apps or Facebook for that matter. And if I look at the present situation, I'm getting bad at socializing even though the so called social apps. And just when I thought I could turn all that energy I have in chatting into real life conversations as well, I'm starting to fade out there as well. So what actually happened?

                                           I'm still wondering what went wrong. How I could have become so much of an anti-social element, when I know that I could have been so very different. As I try to build a bridge and link up all the events, all I can see are the two sides of the bridge. Where I used to be, and where I am now.

               I don't really like the idea of putting this out, but nowadays I don't seem to have anyone to share anything with either. Not that I have nobody, it's all changed. As you know people change and all with passing time. I no longer know whom to talk to, for every other time, I seem to end up upsetting the one I really want to talk to. How things used to be between us, and how things are right now? I no longer no know what to tell or ask, for you no longer seem to want to tell me anything. I used to pull it all out of you back then, but now I just don;t seem capable of doing so without putting you in utter gloom. And on top of that you don't think you should tell me, or that I would understand it anyway right? How far we've distanced. I see it clear, this isn't what I wanted, but is something that I've always feared. Loosing someone is far too much for me to comprehend. I didn't even want love to come stand in the way and split us apart. Not that i couldn't see the love, just that I didn't want anyone getting hurt anymore, be it you or me. I had put my faith in long distance once, for it just to be shattered to crumbs, and so did you. I consider trust, a far more assuring thing to have than love, that has been far taken too lightly as a namesake.

 Nobody cares,
 nobody loves,
 its all just lust,
 its just a show off.
I cant't be one,
Just like them all,
To blend with the flow,
Of timely change.

       That was pretty odd, that I had to write like that, would've been odder if I had written those lines out flat. I've pretty much lost the will to look beyond the past. I no longer have a clue what is going on, or what may happen in time that's yet to come. Everything's turning far to poetic right now, I came to write something and it seems I've diverted like always. These wandering thoughts fill up my mind, leaving no space for some useful thoughts to sit for a while.

                   Leaving the thoughts of her behind, maybe one of those reasons that I talk lesser even on chats now. And knowing and experiencing the fact that no one will miss my presence if I just get washed off in a whim, except maybe my parents, that too cause they're my parents. I've always been the calm and patient one, at least most of the time I am. I've forgiven people for all that they've done to me, even if it was the maximum possible damage they could inflict on me mentally. I just let it all go. After all they are my friends and if I don't stoop down before someone who doesn't bother to budge, there would be no end to it. I accept my mistakes and apologize. I do tend to be clumsy most of the time. I don't follow up on all the action, because I've never been exposed to them before. And I've always felt that there's something lacking in me, that just always puts me off from the rest. I just don't get along well with anyone do I? Is it cause I don't open up anymore to anyone? If so, why can't I? Maybe trust issues, maybe I just don't feel comfortable with anyone at all. Will that actually make me #foreveralone in all senses? Even if surrounded by a couple of so called friends, who know nothing about me, and seems like I don't know anything about them either. I just don't speak at all do I. I have no clue as to what I have to speak, when to speak what and those situational stuff. All in all, I suck at being human.

                                     And at the other edge of the bridge, I see a completely different me. All I can remember now is that I used to have a couple of great friends back then. Boys and girls, full on fun with them. Playing games, fighting, and what not. It all changed with a change in scene, that change of school which changed me forever. I don't remember making good friends out of anyone except the ones who sat next to me in class. And even out of them very few seem to be even of the fringes of a so called in touch.

                                         Why me? Why do I have to be like this? I feel pretty useless right now. Even though people who know me well, know me better. I don't feel the need for anything. I don't make phone calls anymore. In fact I no longer know why people call others. All that coupled with some incidents, have made it all the more harsh on the nature. And the smartphone has become just a smart device for me. In fact I would no longer care if it had no signal anymore if it could just grab some 3G out of thin air or something. Such has been the plight of me, that I see nothing bright anymore. I just end up wishing, wishing for a lover, wishing for a friend like the ones I see in movies. Wishing for all the impossible things in life. And I don't even think I'm putting a foot forward in the right direction anymore. It doesn't seem like I would be comfortable in jobs that involve a lot of talking do I?

                    Having a thousand friends on Facebook doesn't solve anything. I just barely know them. And do they know me? I wonder. And with the change instilled in people over time, I've pretty much lost a couple of friends who I thought were very good buds. Along went a part of my faith in humanity as well. People tend to go away, don't they. You can't stop it, and you've go to accept it don't you? Seems like I just can't get myself to accept the reality that they're gone and are no longer coming back. For every chance I get, I try to drag them back into my life. But do they care? I suppose not, they've moved on after all. When you get better friends, those with similar wavelengths, you'd tend to get along better with them. I should of course not let this affect me, but the more I think, the lower I fall into the depths of loneliness. People can of course, come and tell you're not alone. At least best friends will, but the fact of the reality is that, you're way too far away to make me feel any better in real life, than just comfort me for a little while. Maybe, just maybe if I had at least one of you hanging around me, it would've been different. Maybe I would've changed and become better socially. For I don't see myself making such awesome friends outta anyone anymore. For I just don't talk much anymore, I rarely make friends out of strangers nowadays, they rather tend to remain as acquaintances rather than turn into good friends. I don't blame any of them, it's all just me. I just don't seem so interested in anything anymore or so, I think that's the kind of aura that's emanating off of me. All in all, I just feel like another brick in the wall.

Internet Life

                  Internet Life ? What kind of life is that? What do you mean by that? The fact that you're reading this is proof enough that you've an internet life, how else would you ever come across this article that I've posted and of course me not being on the upper echelons of the blogging world would also mean that very few people ever pass by what I blog on. Nevertheless I write, though I didn't start out to impress others cause when there were no readers there was no burden of "what will they think?" or that sort of questions. But as time passed, it became more or less to get them to like it than what actually flowed out. I'm definitely better off writing without thinking much and this post I hope goes the way its meant to be.

                                        Internet as you know has become life itself or in fact even took over the actual life you live. And with the arrival or smartphones it only blossomed more, especially since having an Android phone or an iPhone without an internet connection is pretty much useless. You really can't utilize all the features that they provide and if you don't wanna, then you're better off with a Nokia Asha phone or a low end Blackberry. As if that's ever gonna happen anymore, cause even 5 year olds seem to demand for an iPad nowadays. Where is the future headed to? Smartphones and tablets have to a great extent killed the Laptop market. Why buy a laptop when almost everything you want can be done in your palms and can be carried in your pocket right?


                        Internet is one of the best creations of man and I doubt very few will deny that. But are you actually using it in the best possible way? Do you really know what all can be done through the net? The possibilities are endless. From gaming to social networking to finding jobs and matchmaking , to finding solution to any problem you face, learning anything you want with video tutorials and assistance, audio and video chatting with your loved ones across the globe and much more. And obviously the dark sides are there too, after all every coin has two sides.

                   Most of us have spent a whole lot of time on the internet or our internet life and by now you realize what all can be done if you utilize this properly. In fact the answers to any problem can be found on the internet.

            Here is what I made this post for, its one of the ways in which I recharge my phone online and that too free of cost - Amulyam. And yes they're offering me quite a recharge amount for this which I can't resist after all, that amount can even last a year for me.
And you could also help me out by joining Amulyam using the following link :
http://www.amulyam.in/signup.do?id=625b17ad-8788-44c5-9310-b556979b7ed9  and you in turn can invite your friends too. After all people would do anything for a free recharge and that is why Hike and Zomato grew popular after all.


    Since I've written this on internet life, here's a few tips for you people if you're searching for something online.

-       Programmers and Developers might as well go search stackoverflow first and you'll most probably find your answers there or you can ask your own questions and people there will definitely help you out.
       
-           If you are searching for online video tutorials and if you don't mind spending on it, then Lynda is the site for you. You'll find almost tutorials on anything you want over there and yeah of course if you want free there's always YouTube.

-           I don't need to mention anything about social life do I?  Anyone reading this will obviously be having a Facebook id or something of that sort. And if you want more specific social sites there's OMGpop which is more gaming based, there's Indiblogger which is by far the best I've seen for bloggers all over the world, there are many more like this.

    So my dear netizens, if you've any question please do ask, if I've the answer to it I shall definitely give it to you.
                                         

Facebook : Virtuality or Reality ?

              Facebook as you know it, has actually blended itself into our daily lives before we even realised it. Its more than just an addiction, its no longer how much time you spend on it anymore, its what all you share and do there now that  matters. Now let me take a look back at the path I've followed over to here.

                Guess it was in 2007 that I first signed up in Facebook, don't exactly remember why, but it was definitely cause one of my friends told me about it, and I was in some sort of frenzy signing up in all sorts of Social networking sites starting with Orkut , then through Myspace,Tagged , and Mingle Box to name a few. Back in those days, not really any of my friends used Facebook much, but there were quite some apps , games to be precise which actually made me addicted to Facebook back then. I used to log in just to play those games,as most of them were turn based and time based. In some months time, I had to desert Facebook for good, once and for all, once I reached the top on all those games that I used to play. I used to login at times just to check on it, and it wasn't until 2009 that I started clawing my way back over there, for the sake of some people held so dear to me.

               Out of the blue, Orkut started collapsing, still don't know what triggered this sudden collapse, people started migrating in packs from Orkut to Facebook. Maybe it was the security issues and lack of privacy, the possibility of getting hacked , which all led to this inevitable crisis. Thus slowly got everyone over here on Facebook.

        Coming to the question, is Facebook or any other of the social websites a Virtual world? Have heard lots of people saying its a fake world out there. They keep saying its all virtual and nothing is real and to keep away from Facebook. Let me guess, something bad happened to you din't it? Most probably got cheated by someone you met online. The most common could be relationships and money related incidents. Shit happens!! Its true, you can't avoid tough luck all the time. Just cause something bad happened doesn't mean its a virtual world.

        "The real world is full of fake people and Facebook is full of fake personalities."

  You have to be on the safer side. Just don't go about trusting anyone blindly if you aren't prepared to face the worst, in fact its a tough decision to make when you choose to trust someone with something, especially cause you can never tell people apart, for all of them are sitting behind another computer screen somewhere else in the world. You can't even be sure if a profile of a girl is actually a girl or a boy pretending to be a girl.

      Incidents take place even in the real world where you get duped by impostors pretending to be someone else. It happens a lot more on this so called "Virtual World" cause everyone gets to play the role of the villain without bringing themselves to light, and people misuse the opportunity. Trust is like glass, once broken you can never fix it again. Why break someone's faith in you for your entertainment?

           You are only one to blame for what happens to you. Staying away is not the solution to this. Its merely running away from the face of truth. Be strong enough to make decisions. And most importantly know when you should say "No", and when to say it. It's your weakness that leads to your downfall.

          I ain't running away fearing the worst. Come what may, for I've got friends who'll back me up even in the worst. Facebook actually helped me keep in touch with all my buds. And it even helped me bring out my old self which I had lost during a rough transition period. Sharing is caring they say, isn't that true? Doesn't mean you should upload pics of your relatives death on that dreaded event's eve, that's going way too far.

       So is it virtuality or reality? Its what you make of it. Be real, be yourself, you'll find real people even if its 1 in 10, cause most of us want to be like someone else and just doesn't like being ourselves, which leads to the rise of these fake personalities.