Never thought I would be writing anything on my family anytime soon, after all I still feel that I'm a kid still growing under the shades and with the support of my parents. Then again thinking at 21, behaving like a kid won't be easily digested by those onlookers. I've heard a few quotes related to aging but I'm not able to get them right, still one conveyed a meaning like this : No matter how old you are, the child in you shall keep you going forward or something like that. And also this one , " Maturity is all about loosing your innocence". Both of them convey something in some sense which goes way over my head. I would rather be immature and childish.
What is a family after all? Why is it supposed to be the best ever relationship we could ever have in this world? If you start questioning yourselves there will always be a million questions without answers. If the story of Adam and Eve were true , then ain't each and everyone of us a part of a single family? I would rather prefer believing it to be true and hope to see people united. But then again take at lok at this wretched world, its decaying of humanity. Where has humane nature gone? The ability to reason is lost to such extent that we have to now watch and learn about love and relationships from animals who cant even reason. The west has already lost concepts of family ( the way I see it) , parents are purely the ones who just raise them till say about 15 or 16 and after which they seem to choose their own paths , good or bad who am I to judge? People have their own perspectives and as far as I'm concerned I see it as bad, nevertheless people have their own reasons.
I have lived my whole life up until now with my family, and the only times I've spent a few days away may have been during the vacations when I spent about 5-10 days over at Grandparent's place. They are also family, in effect never been out of touch with family other than those 3-5 day excursions or trips from college and school. Maybe I never got a proper chance to miss home cause of this, at times feel that I thing I really missed would be a hostel life. Never had the chance to live that life, when I hear from friends and their experiences it makes me miss that life, and also the feeling of missing home. Though I would never prefer being anywhere but home. Home is where I exist, the one place where I actually burst into tears and anger. The rest of the world sees me calm and quite, not so outgoing nature, pretty much talks softly and less, but at home its different. All the fights with mom and bro, and sometimes with dad too.
I can still see it all, silly reasons, even now I'm just a kid and will always be my parents child. I haven't grown up have I? The same old mental state I used to be 5 years ago, that of a teen, and even the same old physical appearance as back then. I still look the same old kid. When I see my schoolmates they tend to say, you haven't changed. Should I feel proud and happy that I still look the same or should I feel embarrassed for not looking more muscular and mature? I have no clue as to what I should really be feeling, still I feel happy cause I still look like a little kid. People tend to do all sorts of things to look older when they are young, and then when they grow old they want to look younger? I'm happy the way I am. I sure deviate a lot when I start thinking of something. Well this was the reason why I hear , "Shall I take food for you?" ,"Eat this" ,"Did you eat?" , and similar questions a lot all day long, especially from mom. Actually hearing all these all the time have made me hate eating. Its so similar to how and why I started hating to study, hearing it all the time. And nowadays every time I see mom, I can expect to hear "Did you eat?" than anything else.
Dad is the one who has the hardest time of us all. Getting older as the day passes, yet the work he has to do each day ain't getting any lesser. Running is business is quite hard, especially one that is concerned with life and death. And the hard part is the staff, they are so unreliable and insincere to the work that it makes life hell for mom and dad. Dad really has a hard time , waking up at 5 in the morning and working all day long till 12 at night. And if there were any staff worthy to do half his work, things would've been a way lot easier. But unfortunately everytime someone reaches that level of knowledge they have to depart, as they get married off. So much time and money spent for nothing. And all the he wants from us is good marks, which I never happen to provide. I feel guilty and really wish to live upto the expectations, but something inside me is so wrong as of recently that I really can't focus on anything. My mind just wanders off in all directions, leaving me unable to rest, play or study. Having a job is merely a veil that will atleast prevent people from hurting my parents about getting placed after Engineering. Definitely lucky to have a job, considering all the jobless engineering graduates out there, before even completing the course.
I still remember that whenever we used to go anywhere with dad, I always used to hold on to his left hand, no matter what I always wanted to be on the left side, even used to fight with bro for that back then. And even when I grew older I used to hold on to his left hand. Used to hear him tell people that let them hold now, for once they grow older, they never will hold on to your hands anymore. Well even now I hold my dad's hand when I go around with him. I'm still my daddy's boy na. The main reasons he scolds are for not studying well and for not keeping the house clean. I know my room is a big mess, but then I don't feel like cleaning cause right now I'm sure where my stuff are and if I clean it then I'll loose track of stuff. Silly stupid reasons you know, even cleaning off the dust of the TV and the study table, requires him to tell a lot of times before its finally done. He says, only the parents will be blamed for the child's lack of sense of cleanliness. Thats true for sure, but I don't think I've seen so much of cleanliness anywhere else except at dad's place. We do tend to pick up the bad qualities rather than the good qualities.
The best times in a year come during Onam, the festive in Kerala, the only time of the year that Dad actually has a day off, or rather a few days off. The time when we all go out on a tour somewhere, usually far away. Have gone to Goa and Mumbai during these holidays. Last year went to Bangalore, though the time spent there was quite low. I'm giving up the 10 days of extra leave that I got for this month for the Onam trip. Considering the odds its pretty hard to go anywhere, as I'm not sure about getting a leave then following the revised leave policies of the company, stating those who took long leave for writing exams ain't eligible for leave for the next 6 months. I'm leaving that to God, hope I get leave then cause I would rather go anywhere with them than travel alone, even though it would have been the first time.
And Thanks to Imlee and Blogadda for a chance to write out the best part of life ,on my family memories, the ones that will always be memories of a lifetime.